How I Met Your Mother Recap: “How Lily Stole Christmas”

Title: “How Lily Stole Christmas”
Original Airdate: December 11, 2006

This week’s episode was a great one and taught a very valuable lesson – Never ever bash a friend’s ex. It’s very likely that it will come back and bite you, well, you know where. And normally, it tends to happen at the worst time imaginable. Oh Christmas and the holidays, why do you tend to have so many fights surrounding you?

Everything starts out when Ted decides to stay in Manhattan with the gang this Christmas instead of spending it with his family and with Lily going to extreme measures to create “Christmas Eve Wonderland” for Marshall. The apartment is decorated with more Christmas stuff than is imaginable, and Marshall is acting like a little kid awaiting his chance to see it. Until then, law school and a paper call. He’s off to the law library to write it.

After Marshall left, Ted and Lily found the guys’ old answering machine and decided to plug it in and listen to the old messages. Ted left a message to Marshall during the summer with Marshmallow and Lilypad were not an item any more, and thus, the fight began:

Ted: Hey Marshall, are you on the couch right now moping about Lily. You are, aren’t you? Well stop it! She’s not worth it! You’ve gotta get over that grinch.
Future Ted: But I didn’t say grinch. I said a bad word. A very very bad word.
(GMMR note: the particular “word” is never said in the episode, but general consensus is that it was THAT word. Maybe something you might call someone if you were planning on maybe getting together next week, say next Tuesday)

Uh oh. Lily’s pissed and Ted is screwed. She wants answers. Why would he call her that? His excuse. He was trying to cheer his best friend up and he was not going to apologize for it.

As Ted was telling Robin and Barney what transpired up in the apartment it became readily apparent that Barney is coming down with something. He was getting sick.

Barney: (Blowing nose) I’m fine, my nose is overflowing with awesome and I had to get some of it out.

Ted decided that since it was Christmas Eve that he should apologize to Lily, so be bought a beer at McClarens and was taking it up to her in the apartment. But, that could not happen. Lily packed up the Christmas Wonderland in the apartment and left it devoid of all Christmas decorations but for one lonely red ball on the floor. Now, Marshall was going to be pissed.

In the midst of all of that, poor Swarley Barney was getting sicker and sicker. The poor guy fell asleep on the couch. I’ve never seen Barney look that pathetic before.

Ted finally got a hold of Lily and wanted to apologize on the phone.

Ted: Lily!
Lily: Merry Christmas Assface!
Ted: Uhh, Lily, where are the Christmas decorations?
Lily: In my apartment.
Ted: You wanna bring them back so we can celebrate Christmas? Please.

Eventually Lily had enough and hung up the phone without any resolution. She said it was mean and hurtful to call her that name, never mind she called him Assface again while telling him that. Man, I love Lily. Lily decided to call back though to tell Ted one last thing.

Lily: Don’t forget to take the cookies out of the oven, Assface!

Ted heads out to try to make things right with Lily and Robin is back in the gang’s apartment, now left with the responsibility of nursing the Barnacle back to health. Barney is in Ted’s bed, very sick, and Robin the sweetheart that she is, brings him some soup.
Barney: This is a low moment for the Barnacle. I should be off playing laser tag right now but instead. Don’t look at me, I’m hideous

Robin: You just look like a regular guy.
Barney: Exactly. I’m a Ted. I’m wearing an elastic waist fleece pants.
***
(Robin offers Barney some soup)
Barney: Too weak. Too cold.
Robin: Fine, I’ll feed you.
Barney: (spits out the hot soup) Ouchie in my mouth! I don’t want it. I want ice cream. Robin: No, you are not having ice cream for dinner just because you are sick.
Barney: (whining even more) My throat hurts! I hate you! (As Robin gets up to leave) Don’t leave me.

Ted manages to get over to Lily’s apartment and once he gets in, he sees that she’s decorated her whole apartment.

Ted: Would you please come home:
Lily: No, I’m not spending Christmas with you.
Ted: I’m sorry for calling you…that word over the summer and for saying it again today.
***
Lily: Oh shut up, you don’t think I know your fake apology by now, Ted Mosby? Huh? You are clearly still mad at me
***
Lily: I’ve apologized to Marshall and he’s forgiven me. We’ve moved past it. Why can’t you?
Ted: Because you never apologized to me. Marshall isn’t the only one you walked out on. You walked out on me for three months.
***
Lily: You called me a grinch!
Ted: You were a grinch! Grinchey grinch grinch grinch grinch grinch grinch grinch!

For the best of everyone, Ted decided to spend Christmas Eve at his super religious cousin’s in Staten Island so that Lily could spend her evening with Marshall. He called Robin to tell her that and promised her that they’d spend all of Christmas day together. While on the phone, she provided Ted with an update on how Barney was doing.

Ted: Oh, how’s Barney feeling?
Robin: You mean the whiney, bottomless pit of neediness. He was bugging me so I spiked his eckenacia tea with codeine. (Cut to Barney passed out and drooling in Ted’s bed)
Ted: You’re going to be a great mom!
Robin: Um huh.

The part of the story we missed earlier is that Marshall decided to skip finishing his paper up so that he could go out and pick up Lily’s Christmas present that he ordered for her. As Lily opens the package from Marshall (yea, there was the obligatory Lily/Marshall package joke in there somewhere) she discovers a vintage easy bake oven. The thing that she’s always wanted! She had no idea how Marshall found out about it.

I absolutely loved this flashback. It was the best flashback of the season so far. Cut to 1998 and we have a super stoned Ted and Lily sitting on a dorm room floor talking. Lily was telling Ted that all she ever wanted as a kid was an easy bake oven but her feminist mom would never let her have it.
As we come back to 2006, Lily and Marshall are sitting on the couch and it comes out that Ted is in Staten Island. He was suffering through dinner with his cousin and their unbelievable kids. (Think the Flanders family x 1000. Yea.)

They are sitting gathered around the dinner table and Ted is trying to come up with a way to get out of saying grace over the meal. *ding dong* The door bell. Ted tags young Charity to say grace while he gets the door.

Charity: Dear Father, thank you for this day, and thank you for bringing this family together. Amen.

In one of the most touching moments to date, as Charity said “Thank you for bringing this family together” Ted opens the door to see Robin, Barney (somewhat recovered), Marshall, and a forgiving Lily standing on the front porch. Oh yea, as with their tradition, Lily had a beer in hand for Ted as her peace offering.

Lily: I came here to apologize. So sorry Ted.
Ted: I accept. Give me the beer! (Drinks and kisses Robin) Oh, it is so good to see you guys!
Lily: Are you coming home?
Ted: Totally! But first Lily, I owe you an apology.
Lily: Oh for the love of god, are you as sick of apologies as I am?
Ted: Yes!
Lily: Can we skip the apology and go straight to the forgiving?
Ted: Yes. I will never call you a, you know, again.
Lily: Okay. I was kind of a grinch.

That’s when things got out of control!

Nephew: What’s a grinch?
Lily: (Horrified) Nothing! It’s something you shouldn’t say.
Nephew: Mom, what’s a grinch? (The mom spits her drink out)
All of the kids: Grinch grinch grinch
Ted: Merry Christmas everybody! (as he’s running out the door)

And yes, in closing, we see Marshall wishing himself a Merry Christmas as he was licking a bowl of Lily’s cookie dough clean. Merry Christmas Marshall.

Kaboom! You’ve been lawyered by Jim Mosby. Half Jim Halpert, half Ted Mosby. At least that’s how he describes himself. Maybe minus the Halpert good looks he’d be telling the truth. Jim loves feedback, and is a comment whore, so, indulge him if you can.