EW’s Year in TV Sound Bites

Every month Entertainment Weekly gathers the best quips and quotes from TV. Now as we get near the end of the year, they have compiled a bunch of the quotes from each month and have posted them as a treat for all of us. Here’s my favorites from each month, but head over to EW.com to read all of the quotes.

JANUARY

Uh, Jason…when you’re filling out a female patient’s exam report, her breasts can be ‘Healthy’ or ‘Unhealthy.’ Never ‘Bangin’ Double Ds.’
– J.D. (ZACH BRAFF), ADDRESSING ONE OF HIS INTERNS, ON SCRUBS

FEBRUARY

Hold on a second…. Jon, I’m being told Whittington’s condition has now been upgraded from ‘stable’ to ‘stable, but still shot in the face by the Vice President.
– ED HELMS, FAKE REPORTING ON THE HEALTH OF HARRY WHITTINGTON FROM ”OUTSIDE A HOSPITAL IN CORPUS CHRISTI, TEXAS,” ON THE DAILY SHOW

MARCH

I swear to God, Cristina, I like you, I really do. But I grew up in a trailer park, and I am not above kicking your pampered little Beverly Hills ass. And I do mean physically kicking your ass.
– IZZIE (KATHERINE HEIGL) TO CRISTINA (SANDRA OH), ON GREY’S ANATOMY

APRIL

Should I go and get a ruler?
– KATE (EVANGELINE LILLY), WITNESSING A MACHO-MAN STANDOFF BETWEEN JACK (MATTHEW FOX) AND SAWYER (JOSH HOLLOWAY), ON LOST

MAY

I swear to God, she’s ruining vaginas for me.
– ALEX (JUSTIN CHAMBERS), ON HIS FORCED OB/GYN INTERNSHIP WITH ADDISON (KATE WALSH), ON GREY’S ANATOMY

JUNE

You were in Baghdad for six hours! And you weren’t even in the real Baghdad — you were in the Green Zone. That’s like going to the Olive Garden and saying you’ve been to Italy.
– JON STEWART, REACTING TO PRESIDENT BUSH’S TOUTING HIS TRIP TO IRAQ, ON THE DAILY SHOW

JULY

Lance Bass — formerly of ‘N Sync — announced on the cover of People magazine he is, in fact, gay. Lance, are you sure this isn’t like the time you wanted to be an astronaut?
– JOEL MCHALE, ON THE SOUP

AUGUST

I don’t go hunting for celebrity babies. I have 116 other things to do, thank you, Billy. You need another job. I mean, you have potential as a human being. This may not be right for you. Seriously, can you focus on other things?
– JEREMY PIVEN, TO PRESHOW HOST BILLY BUSH, WHO ASKED IF PIVEN HAD MET VIOLET AFFLECK OR SURI CRUISE, ON THE 2006 EMMY RED CARPET SPECIAL

SEPTEMBER

Last night, Katie Couric debuted as the anchor of the CBS Evening News, and at the end of the broadcast she asked viewers to recommend a signature sign-off. So far the front-runner is ‘Stay tuned for some kind of CSI.
– CONAN O’BRIEN, ON LATE NIGHT

OCTOBER

Earlier this week, a man named his newborn son ESPN because one of the man’s favorite things to watch is ESPN. The baby is happy, healthy and already home with his brother Porn.
– CONAN O’BRIEN, ON LATE NIGHT

NOVEMBER

McDreamy is doing the McNasty with McHottie? That McBastard!
– GEORGE (T.R. KNIGHT), TRYING TO TALK LIKE CRISTINA (SANDRA OH), ON GREY’S ANATOMY

I always knew the branch would shut down some day; I just figured it would be because Michael sold the building for some magic beans.
JIM (JOHN KRASINSKI), AFTER HEARING THAT THE SCRANTON BUREAU WAS CLOSING, ON THE OFFICE

DECEMBER

No, I don’t have a gambling problem. I’m winning, and winning is not a problem. That’s like saying Michael Jordan has a basketball problem, or Def Leppard has an awesomeness problem.
– EARL (JASON LEE), ON MY NAME IS EARL