Cocktail Party Primer (Episode #6)

My apologies to Mostly Martha for not posting this week’s Cocktail Party Primer until right now. I left for NYC on Friday and didn’t have internet access this whole weekend.  But you know what, you don’t need a cocktail party to find this week’s hilarious recap of TV’s biggest news worth your time.  BRAVO once again to Martha…this is some great stuff.

Show our GMMR newbie the love, and let her know what you think about this past week’s TV headlines.

• A nation’s innocence was stripped away this week when High School Musical star Vanessa Hudgens rep’s confirmed that the naked pictures of her circulating the Internet are indeed real. Opinions differ as to whether the leaded pics resulted from the careless act of a lovestruck teenager or if there might be a more calculated motive. Whether intentionally or not, they’ll serve to raise her visibility outside of the tween set and to help quash rumors that her offscreen boyfriend Zac Efron maybe doesn’t actually like her, or girls in general, in that way.

• Although nothing is officially in the works, David Schwimmer premptaviely nixed any hopes that he might someday revive the world’s Ross and Rachel angst by appearing in a Friends reunion. He told The Sun, “It was ten years ago – and it’s time to move on.” Of course, it’s foolish for anybody to think that he’s have time for such a frivolous project. Obviously, since he’s so busy with projects like. . . well there’s. . . hey, wasn’t he a giraffe or something Madagascar? Yeah, I bet that takes up a ton of time. Reprising Ross would clearly be beneath him.

• After a few seasons of feasting, Sci-Fi nerds may be in for a long famine. This week we learned that the fifth season of Dr. Who won’t air until 2010, Flash Gordon won’t be renewed at all, and the network might split Battlestar Galactica’s final season over two years with a ten month break between the first and second halves.

• A study in New Zealand found that children who watch more than two hours of television a day are more likely to suffer from attention problems when they get older, possibly because real life just seems boring in comparison. I, for one, think this is totally crap. I mean I was basically raised on TV.  Mr. Rogers (and The Muppet Babies, Duck Tales, and Strawberry Shortcake) were all my homies. I turned out just fine. Man, remember when Scrooge McDuck would dive into that big pile of money and swim around? That was so cool. I always wanted to do that. Wait, I’m sorry, what was I talking about? I’m bored. What time is it? Are there any Law & Order reruns on?

• Tired of being the network known for quirky but thoughtful comedies and upscale period pieces, the BBC has decided to bring more trash to television. Literally. The new BBC show Dumped takes eleven unsuspecting volunteers and drops them at a landfill to fend for themselves for three weeks. The producers hope that the show will make people take a hard look at how wasteful their lives are. Hold on. They want the show to make us think about our real lives? I feel so lied to. I saw their Big Brother, I thought they knew what reality TV was for. And it isn’t thoughtful discourse and a chance to examine our lives. Why don’t they just admit why we’re all tuning in and crank this baby up to 11? May I suggest dropping a couple of those footballers wives and that tacky Jordon chick on a dump to bring a little trash to the trash. Now that’s a secret shame show I can get behind.

Martha Smith is a San Francisco-based freelance writer and editor. She writes mostly about food, TV, and other things that can be enjoyed while sitting down.