PROJECT RUNWAY Recap: Episode 5 – The Jungle Sucks

The latest installment of Jennifer’s Runway takes a look at yet another disappointing episode of PROJECT RUNWAY. What is going on? I’m more convinced than ever that NBC/Bravo is trying to run the show into the ground before it makes the leap to Lifetime next season.
Jennifer’s Runway…

Dear Episode 5 of Project Runway,

WHAT THE HELL? Full disclosure: The crush I had on you has worn off. It’s like back in high school when I had a crush on this guy who seemed perfect to me. He was dreamy! Just like you! Then I re-met him years later and HOLY COW! HOW did I not ever hear that he had the MOST ANNOYING VOICE on the planet?? (Just like how didn’t I notice that you, PR, have a hump on your back, a Fozzie-Bear-Orange tan and pus-filled pimples on your ears???) I will now answer my own question in one word: Infatuation. Infatuation makes very smart people very, very, very stupid. And I dare say that this psychological equation can be applied to my (quickly slipping) relationship with you.

ISSUE 1: Team Challenges are BACK
Pllbbbt! Boo! Until you FINALLY kick off someone other than the team leader, please omit this feature on your show. Once I know that it’s a team challenge, I know that I can ignore the follies of any designer who isn’t a leader. Why? Because short of a non-leader setting a garment on fire and then trying to hump Nina’s leg while telling Kors where he can stick it, the non-leaders are safe. Immunity or not. SAFE. And that is BORING TOWN. Zzzzzzz.

The team challenge this week is to make an outfit for Brooke Sheilds’ character on Lipstick Jungle that can go from “office to night.” And the winning outfit will be worn by Brooke on the show. And speaking of Brooke…

ISSUE 2: I question Brooke Shields’ taste

WHY did she pick Blayne’s outfit as one of her 6 possibilities? Was she produced to do this? Is that why she was scared? Dammit, I need answers on this one because that just didn’t feel organic. (And it needs to be a better answer than my mother would give me when I would ask her WHY I had to dust the house. Her answer: “Because I said so!”)

Brooke picked the following leaders:

Keith (who paired with Kenley)
Korto (who has immunity and paired with Joe)
Jerell (who paired with Stella cuz she likes leathuh)
Kelli (who paired with Daniel)
Terri (who paired with Suede)
Blayne (who paired with Leanne)

Blayne said he didn’t want to make just another dress. Bully for you Blayne! Last time he said that he made a maxi-pad onesie. This statement does not give me faith in him. But it does make me want to drink. (SHIRLEY TEMPLES! Ignore my intern!!)

ISSUE 3: Speaking of Issue 2, Blayne SUCKS

I am quite convinced that Blayne has an IQ of 12.

(To continue reading Jennifer’s PROJECT RUNWAY recap, click here to head over to her MySpace blog.)