RINGER Recap: “If You’re Just an Evil Bitch Then Get Over It”

You know a show is really going downhill when the main character, the one who you’ve been following and supposedly rooting for all season, is close to death, and you honestly don’t care.

Such is the case with RINGER, which, in my opinion, had one of its worst episodes this week. Characters were dumber than usual, the writing was not good and the climax was sleep-inducing.

Am I being too harsh? Probably, but as a viewer, I deserve more – and so do you.

At least we had some hilarious visuals this week (which I will address below) and Mike from BREAKING BAD made an appearance, so I guess it wasn’t all bad.

Of course, the main (and really only) exciting thing to happen this week is that Catherine took matters into her own hands and tried to kill Bridget.

We know Bridget won’t die, even though the ending and the preview want us to think otherwise. Silly, silly RINGER. At least treat us with a little more respect than your characters, OK?

Before Bridget succumbs to the poison Catherine gave her, she does realize Catherine put the hit on her because she finds the hitman’s phone in crazy lady’s purse.

Victor discovers Catherine is behind the hit, too, because her fingerprints are on the picture the hitman had of Siobhan. Do people not email pictures anymore or wear gloves? Even though Victor finally got a clue, he failed as usual by not being able to get in touch with Bridget before Catherine poisoned her.

As for Catherine, Bridget wasn’t the only one whose life she tried to take this week; she also attempted suicide at the beginning of the episode. Andrew sadly found her just in time, though, and Juliet wanted Catherine to come live with them after she got out of the hospital instead of going to an institution. I should’ve known Andrew would go soft after being so awesome last week.

What were Henry, Siobhan Victor up to this week? Why are you asking this?! Ok, I’ll give. Henry was brought to the police station for more questioning. Even though he says he was at the SoHo Diamond to write, not kill Tyler, there’s a maid (foreign, natch) who places him in Tyler’s room right before he was killed.

Henry is arrested, but he’s able to post bail. When he gets home, he actually wants to know where his twins are. Ironic that the only time he cares, he can’t have them! Children’s Services took them away.

The kids are taken to Tim’s house, so Henry goes there. Henry definitely shouldn’t have custody of them, because if I heard correctly, their names are Dash and Becks. That’s enough to keep them away from Henry, but if you add in those hideous twin Uggs they were each wearing, and he definitely deserves to never see them again.

Henry goes to see Tim, who says he doesn’t believe Henry got the flash drive from Andrew. You see, Tim called the SEC and found out Tyler was working with them to expose Martin&Charles but happened to die right before he turned over his evidence. Tim is smart enough to figure out Henry had to be involved, so that’s why he turned him in.

Tim is also angry that Henry cheated on Gemma, and he swears to make Siobhan and him pay for hurting his daughter. I don’t condone cheating, but seriously, Tim, had you ever met your daughter? The only interesting thing about her was her voicemail.

Tim ends up going to Andrew with the flash drive, and instead of exposing Martin&Charles, he says he wants to save it. I’m not too surprised by this – all of the rich people on this show are crazy and greedy. But do I care? Nope.

Siobhan feels guilty for ruining Henry’s life, so she tries to make it better by bribing the maid to take back her testimony. Not everyone is as shallow as her, though, and the maid just ends up telling the police about the money.

The police then bring in Bridget, saying Siobhan has motive to bribe the maid because she and Henry used to be together. Bridget doesn’t know anything, and when she later confronts Henry about it, he says he happened to hire a blonde to bribe the maid – so the police got them mixed up.

Bridget knows Henry is hiding something, and she even accuses him of killing Tyler. This really goes nowhere, though. Aren’t you surprised?! Henry gets mad at Siobhan for making his life even worse, but he says he just can’t quit her because he’s “crazy in love” with her.

Do I really have to talk about Victor? Fine. Victor is somehow still working on this case, despite being suspended, and he approaches the owner of the dry cleaners (Mike!). Or I guess Remy is his name. Remy denies knowing the hitman with the Tarot card, but it’s obvious he’s lying.

Victor is convinced after the tarot card guy failed to kill Bridget, Remy hired the hitman from last week. To find more clues, Victor smartly breaks into the hitman’s house and finds the picture of Siobhan and Andrew, with Siobhan’s face cut out. Because, you know, I’m sure a professional hitman would just leave that lying around.

Victor also finds the body of the first hitman (the one Bridget killed in the premiere) in a refrigerator. Victor tells Bridget about this, so she admits that she killed him. Victor says the bullet in the hitman will trace back to her once the police find him, but Bridget says it was Bridget’s gun, which she gave to Charlie. Charlie then used the gun to kill Gemma. I don’t know the significance of any of this, but it feels important, so that’s why I’m telling you.

Other notes:

-Where the hell was Solomon in this episode? Isn’t his job to protect Bridget?
-Lines in this episode (this is real): “You broke my daughter’s heart” and “I’m going to destroy you.” And the Emmy does not go to…
-Does anyone else think Juliet is going to be seriously screwed up when she gets older?
-What Bridget tells Victor: “If anyone can help me, it’s you.” Do I need to point out the irony?
-Malcolm is still gone. Again, I don’t care.
-How did they not know Catherine put the hit on Siobhan? They talk about how Catherine had a fantasy they would be a family again, and Catherine even says she wanted to take everything away from Siobhan. HELLO!
-I was thinking of FATAL ATTRACTION throughout this entire episode. All they needed to do was add some Madame Butterfly in the background, and it would’ve been perfect.
-Siobhan’s bribe outfit was hilarious. It’s no wonder the maid didn’t take her offer seriously. I’m seriously going to find a freeze frame of this outfit and look at it whenever I’m sad.
-Here’s an actual gripe: What is Siobhan’s role anymore? She at least used to be the only smart (OK, semi-smart) character who seemed to be in control and knew what was going on, but now she’s useless. Those twins have no hope.

Am I being too cruel this week? What did you think of the episode?