Can someone please, please, please, explain to me why the Department of Social Services has not physically removed Bobbi Kristina Brown from her parent’s home? Seriously, it’s not a safe environment for a minor. Bobby and Whitney are beyond crazy. If you need proof look no further than the Being Bobby Brown Christmas special currently airing on Bravo. I watched it last night and just stared at the TV in absolute horror. It was VERY disturbing.

I’m going to subject myself to watching it again tonight, because there is no way I CAN’T write a recap for this one. I’m not sure a recap will capture the horror of a coked-out Whitney slurring her speech while looking for a tree, or Bobby throwin’ his moves down while a group of Carolers sang traditional holiday tunes, but I will try my best.

Check back tomorrow for the full recap.

Michelle Rodriguez is a bit of a head case. After getting arrested for DUI last week, Rodriguez, who portrays Ana Lucia on Lost, mouthed off to the arresting officers, and said they should just shoot her. Um, drama queen. Last time I checked, driving while bombed off your ass is illegal in this country. And yes, Hawaii is part of the United States, so I think you should just chill.

It now seems that Rodriguez, who ironically enough was in The Fast & The Furious, has spread her need for speed to her current castaways. A number of the Losties and Tailies have been pulled over by the Hawaii 5-0 for their lead feet. Tsk, tsk…check it out here. And slow down people.

Ok, it’s been a whole nine days since I posted anything about The Office and/or John Krasinski. See, the therapy is working. Anyway, my favorite Office-mate is now a cover boy. Krasinski, who grew up right outside of Boston, is on the cover of this month’s Improper Bostonian. I’ll be heading out after work to pick up my 10 copies. I love that John, and The Office are getting more and more attention these days. That’s fantastic. I posted a pic of the cover for those of you not lucky enough to live in or around Beantown.

JOHN KRASINSKI
By Jonathan Soroff for The Improper Bostonian

Having sprung to fame playing the nerdy sales rep Jim Halpert on the NBC comedy The Office, John Krasinski, 26, was born and raised in Newton and graduated from Newton South High School. After earning a degree in playwriting, with honors, from Brown, he studied at the National Theater Institute. His television credits include appearances on Law & Order: Criminal Intent, Ed and Without a Trace, while his feature film experiences include Kinsey, Duane Hopwood and the recent Jake Gyllenhaal film, Jarhead, as well as the upcoming Christopher Guest movie For Your Consideration. He divides his time between New York City and Los Angeles.

Jonathan Soroff (JS): Krasinksi must be a stage name, right?
John Krasinski (JK): It is. My name was originally John Collins, but I just didn’t think it had the flair I needed. I found out the poet laureate of Poland was named Krasinski and so it seemed like a shoe-in for show business.

JS: Good thinking. Let’s play TV trivia: Sanford and Son, All in the Family, Queer as Folk and The Office. What do they all have in common?
JK: They were all adapted from English shows.

JS: Very good. But most shows taken from England are bombs. Look at that show Coupling. It was a total dog.
JK: Yeah, or that British show… what was it called? Soprani? It was about a family of soccer hooligans in a bar, and they tried to bring it over here as The Sopranos… Oh, wait. That did OK. Actually the producers of our show are the same ones who brought over Coupling.

JS: So you can’t say anything bad about it.
JK: No, but what I can say is that the British version of The Office is literally a perfect show, and everybody in our cast thinks that.

JS: Your show is sort of painful to witness. It’s like watching a train wreck. Aren’t you just squirming in most of those scenes?
JK: Yes. Especially the long pauses where I’m wondering why Steve [Carell] just said what he did. The good news is that we understand the realism of it. There are painful situations in 9-to-5 life, and we give you the ability to laugh at it, since most people sure as hell can’t do it at work.

JS: Have you ever had a 9-to-5 job?
JK: I did a lot of internships. I interned at Hill, Holliday, which was a blast. It was a trip, working on stuff like the Dunkin’ Donuts commercials, which still stand as some of the funniest I’ve ever seen. And then I worked for Conan O’Brien. I was his script intern.

JS: Another Boston homey. Speaking of which, what’s up with the fact that everyone on The Office is from Boston?
JK: Boston is actually the capital of the world. You didn’t know that? We breed smart-ass, quippy, funny people. Not that I’m one of them. I just sorta sneaked in under the radar.

JS: One thing you’d like to hear about yourself around an office water cooler?
JK: I guess I’d love to hear that this is the cutting edge of comedy right now. We tip our hats to shows like Arrested Development and Curb Your Enthusiasm, and to be mentioned in the same breath as them is really flattering.

JS: You and B.J. Novak, who plays Ryan the temp and writes for the show, graduated from high school together. Who was the class clown?
JK: Interesting. Well, he was kind of a genius and he wrote the first thing I was ever in, which was a parody of the school, so I guess he’d be the class clown.

JS: So are you two like a comedic Matt and Ben?
JK: Oh, yeah, In fact, we were really bummed out that they stole the math genius idea, because we had some really good stuff goin’ with that. Ours involved a couple of gifted monkeys, which was actually a really nice twist, so at least they didn’t bite that off of us.

JS: You just made Jarhead with Jake Gyllenhaal. Ever wish you’d starred in Brokeback Mountain with him?
JK: Are you kidding? To ride horses through the West with Jake…

JS: … and to sodomize him in a tent?
JK: Oh, wait a minute. That was all back-story. You think Ang Lee got the close-up?

JS: Yup. Of him and Heath Ledger. So there were no sodomy jokes on the Jarhead set?
JK: No. I think I was too scared of getting beat up. He was so jacked for that movie. I was like, “Wait! What happened to Donnie Darko Jake? I could take that guy.” Not so much the jacked-up Jake Gyllenhaal in Jarhead. Oh, that was a good tongue-twister.

JS: What was your first job ever?
JK: Raking leaves for a woman named Mrs. Gorin.

JS: That sounds dirty.
JK: No, no, no. When I shoveled her walkway — that sounds dirty.

JS: Hope you got a raise for that. You went to an Ivy League school and now you pretend to be an entry-level schmendrick. Is your father the doctor proud?
JK: My dad is psyched. He has patients coming in and telling him about their favorite scenes, and he’s having a great time with the whole thing. My dad actually said he’d never been more proud of me than when I decided to [become an actor]. So there’s the tear-jerker part of your interview.

JS: That’s how my dad felt when I told him I was a piano player in a whorehouse. Anyway, who’s a better talk show host: Conan O’Brien or Tony Danza?
JK: Ouch. You’re putting me on the spot because I just did both shows.

JS: I know.
JK: I guess I’ll have to say Conan for no other reason than that I have to go with family. He was the inspiration of all comedy for me. I watched him every night. Then, when I interned for him, it probably reached stalker status, because I was this huge fan getting closer and closer to him. And being in his guest chair was quite honestly the best perk of this whole thing, besides actign on an incredibly cool show… of course, second only to being interviewed by The Improper Bostonian.

JS: Ass-kisser. So your character is in unrequited love. Ever try to win someone over from a significant other?
JK: I’m trying to right now. I’m smitten with a girl from college who has consistently been dating someone when I have been single and vice versa. (Remote: NO NO NO NO NO NO)

JS: There’s another tear-jerking moment. I think our readers will we weeping reading this.
JK: Well, I hope they bombard you with phone numbers. This is basically just a one-page dating ad.

JS: OK, give me your personal: Single White Actor Seeks Woman with No Teeth and Webbed Feet?
JK: Umm, no. That’s a little over the top. How about Single White Male seeks intelligent, fun-loving woman with a sense of humor who also works as a carny.

JS: There’s nothing sexier than a woman from the midway. Now I’m going to be your mother for a minute. You’re workin’ that shaggy dog look pretty hard. When are you going to get a haircut?
JK: I actually did. It’s not shorter, but it’s less wing-y.

JS: Good, because that’s what I objected to– the Farrah Fawcett Majors-ness of it all. So what do you consider your best feature?
JK: The fuzzy ties I wear on the show.

JS: That’s sort of sad.
JK: OK, in total seriousness, I’d say my spontaneity.

JS: One thing you’d have plastic surgery on if you could?
JK: My fuzzy ties.

JS: OK, time for the annoying job interview question: In 10 years, where do you see yourself?
JK: I want to be at the Huntington Theatre Company, playing Sandy the dog in a revival of Annie.

JS: I’ll look forward to it. Who would you want to play you in the movie of your life?
JK: Haley Joel Osment. I think if he gets into an awkward teenage phase, he’d be perfect.

JS: Last question: If this were a job interview, tell me one reason why I should hire you.
JK: Because I make a mean cup o’ coffee.

Just a few quick reads to keep you entertained while I am concentrating on my day job

Ryan Seacrest Gets Yet Another Gig
Ryan Seacrest obviously isn’t rich enough. In addition to his 4-10am radio show, and his American Idol gig, Seacrest will now be the anchor on E! News Live. With all his jobs, and the time he spends on his hair, I’m not sure when this man finds time to sleep. (full story)

The Red Carpet is Going to be a Snoozefest
In other E! news, it was reported today that Kathy Griffin’s fabulous snarkness is no longer welcome on the red carpet. Griffin, who has been the ONLY redeeming quality to the E! awards day coverage, was fired. Trump style. I wonder if she can watch the red carpet arrivals with me…now that would be fun. (full story)

Star Jones Should Be Bitch Slapped
How this woman still has a job is beyond me. People hate her. Really…I haven’t found one person that likes listening to anything Star Jones, oh sorry, Star Jones Reynolds has to say. On the other hand, people love Joy Behar, because she’s funny and not afraid to bring it when going against her other, more obnoxious co-host. Seems like they got into it again on The View. I wish I had TiVo’d this one. Damn. (full story)

Donnie Carroll, the Dorchester, MA rapper and inspiration for the character “Turtle” in Mark Wahlberg’s hit HBO comedy “Entourage,” died over the weekend, reportedly of an asthma attack.

Carroll, 39, who was known as “Donkey,” collapsed in his fiancee’s arms Sunday night. He was rushed to the hospital but died in the emergency room. “He didn’t make it,” a tearful Mira Shanti, Carroll’s fiancee, told the Boston Herald’s Inside Track. “He had asthma and he had an attack. He fell into my arms. We rushed him to the hospital but they couldn’t get a beat.”

Shanti said Wahlberg was informed of Carroll’s death and that his old friend was “distraught” and “sad.” Carroll grew up with the “I Heart Huckabees” star in Savin Hill, MA and moved to Hollywood with Wahlberg to be his full-time personal assistant when the ex-underwear model and rapper hit it big in the mid-’90s.

When Wahlberg was helping to create the characters for “Entourage” he used Donkey as his model for the baseball-cap-wearing, Hummer-driving, pot-and-women-wrangling gofer Turtle.

The show tells the story of Wahlberg-inspired up-and-comer Vince Chase, (Adrian Grenier), and the posse of homeboys he drags along to Tinseltown. There’s his brother, Johnny Chase, aka Johnny Drama, a desperate wannabe hilariously played by Kevin Dillon, real-life bro of actor Matt Dillon. He’s based on Wahlberg’s “cousin” John Alves, a bodybuilder and washed-up actor whose credits include “Southie,” Donnie Wahlberg’s 1998 flick, and the “Marky Mark Workout” video. Alves’ real-life nickname is Johnny Drama.

Kevin Connolly’s sensible manager-in-training, Eric, is based on Wahlberg’s pal Eric Weinstein, a middle-aged Bronx homey the actor met on the set of “The Basketball Diaries.”

Ari Gold, Vince’s foul-mouthed, fast-talking, womanizing bully of an agent played by Jeremy Piven, is said to be a send-up of Mark’s real-life manager Ari Emanuel.

And Turtle, the groupie-groping goofball played by Jerry Ferrara, is based on Donkey, who carried Wahlberg’s bags for more than 14 years whilst trying to launch a career as a rap musician under the name Murda One.

Donkey and Wahlberg had a falling out earlier this year because Carroll claimed Wahlberg never paid him for appropriating his life story for “Entourage.” He said all the other real-life characters had been “taken care of” but that he’d been cut out. “I love him a lot,” Wahlberg told the Inside Track at the time. “But when a guy reaches a certain age, he’s gotta start taking responsibility. He doesn’t want to work, he wants to rap.”

Despite the disagreement, the two still talked and remained on friendly terms. Shanti said Wahlberg was shocked to hear of his friend’s death. “Donnie was the best guy. He made everyone laugh and he had a heart of gold,” she said. “That’s how everyone will remember him — living life to its fullest.”

Rerinted from The Boston Herald’s Inside Track

Need a Veronica Mars fix? The you should check out TVGuide.com. Rob Thomas, the creator and executive producer of Veronica Mars answers some pressing questions such as…

• Did Duncan sleep with Kendall?
• Will we see more of McBeav?
• Did Aaron Echolls really kill Lily?

To get the answers to these questions and more, check out the full Q&A here.

I TiVo SNL every week in the hopes that maybe, just once, they will do something funny on that show. For the past 2 weeks, SNL has delivered. Last week, Dane Cook had one of the best opening monologues in a long time. That damn cashew had me laughing for days. And this week brought a little sumptin’ sumptin’ too - “Lazy Sunday (The Narnia Rap)”. This is one of the funniest things I have seen on SNL in years. Andy Samberg & Chris Parnell are absolutely hysterical.

The always wonderful, Sarcasmo posted a link to the video in the Give Me My Remote forums, but it was so funny that I thought it garnered a front page shout out.

Check out the video here

Some very sad news to report tonight. John Spencer, who was best known for playing Leo McGarry on The West Wing, died of a heart attack in an LA hospital on Friday. Wow…this is a shocker. I’m a huge fan of The West Wing, and have really enjoyed the reemergence of Leo as Matt Santos’s running mate. John Spencer has always been one of the best things about the show, and he and his character will be missed. In a joint statement, The West Wing series creator, Aaron Sorkin, and Executive Producer, Tommy Schlamme, had this to say about Spencer:

“John was an uncommonly good man, an exceptional role model and a brilliant actor. We feel privileged to have known him and worked with him. He’ll be missed and remembered every day by his many, many friends.”

Co-star Allison Janney, who plays CJ Cregg, described Spencer as a consummate professional actor. “Everyone adored him,” she said. “We have all lost a dear, dear brother,” said Bradley Whitford, who plays Josh Lyman. Not that this matters at all right now, but show producers have not yet said how Spencer’s death would affect the show.
Spencer would have turned 59 next week. Rest in Peace John Spencer. You will be missed.

No matter how far the mighty OC has fallen, I will forever and always watch the annual Chrismukkah episode. It’s always the best ep of the year, and this year we can expect just a little more. In addition to it being Chrismukkah in the Cohen household, Seth feels that pseudo-brother Ryan should have the Bar Mitzvah his non-Jewish ass never had. I’m sure all the Newpsies will be sporting the always stylish yarmaklaus. Insanity is sure to ensue. I’ll do my best to capture tonight’s ep in a festive re-cap to be posted tomorrow morning.

P.S. A special Happy 26th Birthday goes out to Adam Brody (Seth Cohen).